Instant Monologues
Eulogy Instant Monologue



Corey is giving the eulogy at his twin sister Kate's funeral.


When we were fifteen, Kate and I wrote out the eulogies we'd want read at our funerals. I kept Kate's, because she told me she wanted to use it as motivation. She said if I ever had to read it out loud, she didn't want to be thought of as a liar.

She was much better with words than I am, so here are a few things she wanted you all to know:

(Reads from her eulogy.)

"Kate Harrison was a gold medalist in gymnastics, had great arms, and looked better at age 83 than most women look at 25. She was married to Matthew Broderick from 2010 until their inevitable Hollywood divorce in 2014. She wrote three books of short stories, had two beautiful children, and died from being smothered by caramel."

(There's some hesitant laughter, but it seems to pain him.)

I know some of that was ridiculous, like Kate, but some of it was real. She was a wonderful gymnast and a fantastic writer. She had a weird crush on Matthew Broderick. I wish I could tell you how she looked at 83, but she was taken from us so young and-

(A wave of anger overtakes him.)

And it isn't fair because she might have actually done some of those things if Andrew Michael Hartwell had stopped and called 9-1-1. If he had had any semblance of a soul, my sister would still be here and I wouldn't be breaking my promise by reading a eulogy that's not true. She could've done all of those things if-

(Stops himself with an effort.)

I loved Kate. I wish she was still here. I still see her sometimes, doing handstands in our parents' house. It's been ten years since we wrote our eulogies, but one thing is still as true today as it was then.

(Reads from her eulogy.)

"She was loved by everyone who met her, and they are all so terribly sorry to see her go."

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