Instant Monologues
Ferret Instant Monologue


FERRET

INT: SUBURBAN KITCHEN - NIGHT

A girl, obviously distraught, begging her parents for a new pet.

GIRL
(with deep exasperation)

If you don't let me get a ferret, I will kill myself.

Have you ever even seen a ferret? They're like a Slinky stuffed inside a tube sock; how is that not the most adorable thing of your whole life?

You said we could get a dog or a cat if I took care of it, and I totally would, but dogs and cats are boring. This is a true fact. Ferrets can eat snakes. I read about it somewhere. Like, cobras and stuff.

I'm serious.

Okay, Look. I know they stink and they bite and everything, but here's how it is: Luke - you remember Luke, he's a junior - he is just the nicest person I've ever met, and his band is actually called A Business of Ferrets. He said he's always wanted to do ferret-legging during a show, which would be hilarious and also awesome.

Anyway, his band was going to have a performance or something. Like, a concert where everyone from school comes, and I want to have it here so badly but they're probably going to have it Brittany Hampton's house because she has a pool.

And I just thought if I had something that was actually interesting or fun for once in my life, I'd have a shot at…whatever. You don't even get it. God, I am just so sick to death of being ordinary.






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