Instant Monologues
Halloween Instant Monologue



Nate Jenkins is standing on the top step, surrounded by attentive boys aged 8 – 11.


Okay, guys, it's nearly Halloween. We should have a discussion about rules. Some of you are too young to know this, but we have a code here. You might have some questions like, "Who is our most important target?" or "What am I allowed to light on fire?" So listen up! I will not tell you these rules twice!

Rule number one: Costumes are mandatory. That means you have to have one. And you can't just wear a white plastic bag and call yourself a ghost, Jason. It has to be real. Oh, and no one's allowed to be a zombie vampire, because I'm totally doing that and I called it first.

Rule number two: Get the candy. That is always our top priority, guys. If we TP some old hag's house and then knock on her door, you know what she's gonna do? She's gonna cry. And then she's gonna call the cops. So. Candy first.

Rule number three: If they won't give us candy because we're too tall or because Kyle has a beard, we TP and egg the house. People already on that list include Coach Davis, Mrs. Greggs, and that weird kid who lives over on Hanson Street.

Rule number four: Keep your TP and egg stuff like I taught you. Put 'em in the bottom of a paper bag and then put a second paper bag on top for the candy. That way, you can keep it all hidden but still get at it when you need to. Make sure you have toilet paper, rotten eggs, soap bars, and lighter fluid. The lighter fluid is for a surprise at the end of the night, so don't ask questions.

Rule number five: If the cops come, you run. If you get caught, you keep your mouth shut, Dan. I don't want any heroes switching sides if we decide to soap up Mr. Anderson's stupid car.

Rule number six: Anyone willing to go into the Harrington house and stand in the doorway for one minute without any lights on gets to choose one candy bar from everyone else's bag. It doesn't count if you wet your pants, though. If you try and chicken out before the minute's up, everyone gets to pick a candy bar from your bag.

Those are the rules! If you don't like 'em, you can always go bob for apples with the rest of the babies.

Copyright © 2014-2024 by Savetz Publishing, Inc. Contact us. Privacy Policy. All the world's a stage.