Instant Monologues
Show Instant Monologue



Tim is about to perform a show with his band in front of thousands of fans.


Hello, Atlanta! We are Deathwürm! This is our forty-seventh stop on our fifty-stop tour and that makes it extra special to us! Because…

(Looks over his shoulder at his bassist, who shrugs.)

Because I am forty-seven years old as of precisely one month ago! It's been a real honor to be doing what I love for the last thirty years. And I know that we have all of you to thank for it! We love you and we can feel your love flowing toward us! It makes the universe a more caring, generous place. Let's create some music!

(The band starts to play, and he nods along to the beat, getting ready
for the vocals to start. As he does so, he opens a bottle of water and
takes a drink. Immediately spits it out. Into the microphone)

What is this? What the hell is this? Is this Arrowhead? This tastes like something you strained out of Bon Jovi's bathroom! I specifically told you jagweeds Evian or I start breaking things!

(Kicks over the microphone stand and flings the bottle away.)

How many Pepsi commercials do I have to do to get a little consideration around here? Who do I have to do to get one thing right on this tour from hell? That is it, I am out. Rock and roll is dead!

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