Great for young male actors practicing playing inebriation, this 1-2 minute monologue is delivered by a drunken college student after a party.
EXT: NIGHT. A DESERTED ROAD.
Bryan and Mike are stumbling home from a party. Michael has had several drinks too many and is occasionally being supported by a very patient Bryan.
I am telling you, dude, for real, 100%, I am not drunk. I just put that on because…you know how it is. Look, see? Sober city.
(Stops stumbling and stands on one foot to prove it, then nearly falls over)
No, that doesn't count, I just can't balance, like, on my foot. But I can balance when I'm standing up-oh man, we should get tacos. Hey, Bryan. Bryan. Bryan. Bryan. Hey. We should get tacos.
(Starts stumbling forward again)
You are being a Silent Sally right now. Are you mad. B-Rad, are you mad at me? For real now, this is me being real. You're mad because of the bike. I didn't…it's not ruined. Bikes are waterproof. Like baby seals. All you had to do was get it out of the pool and dry it off. Then we wouldn't be being…be walking home.
(Looking around for the first time)
Hey, where are we? We should get tacos. We should put tacos…directly into our faces. And tomorrow will hurt but tonight…
(Beginning to rally)
…Tonight is about glory! And winning at beer pong! And riding a bike into a pool!
(Blankly facing off into the distance.)
Isn't tonight amazing, Bryan? I wish I could feel like this all the time, forever.